Guys Are Disgusting & So Very Dense (Women Are Crazy And Make No Sense)

The following are the covers and a few select pages from Guys Are Disgusting & So Very Dense (Women Are Crazy And Make No Sense) — also known as Women Are Crazy And Make No Sense (Guys Are Disgusting & So Very Dense)….

**PLEASE NOTE: If some images remain as tiny thumbnails upon viewing, simply click an image, then click BACK or RELOAD the page — that usually takes care of it. (If neither of those fixes work, read an essay, they have no pics.)

Table of Contents

If you’ve landed on the blog’s home page, scroll down for writing samples (film, comics, & more) OR click “Continue reading ‘Table of Contents’” just below for the TOC. Scrolling on the blog landing page gives you brief previews. However, if you were linked directly to the TOC, you’ll just see a list of links…

Script Sample from Franchise Horror Feature ‘FEAR EVERYTHING’

FEAR EVERYTHING

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TITLE OVER:

The rituals you are about to see were merely inspired by
those used in real life.
Actual demonic rituals were not portrayed here in order to
protect everyone involved.

ALIENS IN ARKHAM ASYLUM

The following was given the green light from then-editor Denny O’Neil. The idea? What if the Arkham Asylum lunatics from Batman had to fight the Aliens? Awesome, yes? But I needed help to pitch. At that time, some years back now, writing up treatments was NOT my strength (As the man once said, “I’m much better now.”). I asked a veteran writer w/whom I had become friendly — David Michelinie (the guy who created Venom and gave Tony Stark a drinking problem). Lucky us, DC was owed 1 Dark Horse/DC team-up.

David thought it was a great idea, save for one problem: Dark Horse has a rule: All Aliens stories must take place in outer space. So I wrote back: “Easy fix. An unreliable narrator. Maybe it DID take place in space.” And we were off!

From there we wrote up a list of NEW Arkham characters — fodder for the Aliens to kill and maim. I think we cut their names from the final (below), but some included Doc Feces & Don Wand.

Ahem. Sooo, with you caught up and everything in place….

X-Men Scripting Test

Some years back, an editor at Marvel Comics was impressed with script samples I sent. As a result, he asked I take a “scripting test.”

I receive a Plot—the writers of Marvel Comics often write in plot summaries—and Artwork, and it’s my job to add Dialogue.  He informed me he liked what he saw…just before leaving Marvel forever (honestly, I can’t recall if he left or was laid-off or what).

Below are pages from the comic, sporting its ACTUAL script, accompanied by MY SCRIPT TEST pages. I was told to pick any scene or scenes I wanted to write, up to five pages 10 pages (see the other X-post for clarification).

The main difference between comic books and picture books is that the latter merely describes what’s on a page (“See Jane Run!”; “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”), while comic books give INSIGHT into the images. So, when we see Peter Parker swinging over the city (i.e., Jane running), the caption might say “As our wily web-swinger careens across our fair Metropolis…” but then there’s insight: “…he wonders about his battle with the unscrupulous Scorpion!” Which, you know, is not shown visually. It’s usually in a thought bubble.

The Superman Film Treatment (solicited by Legendary Pictures)

S U P E R M A N

At the end of 2009, when the next Superman film was in limbo, I contacted an exec at Legendary Pictures (the producers of Superman these days) who had read, and enjoyed, a script of mine — one about superheroes.  My pitch: “a Superman film should be BIG and FUN…As big as possible but still for the whole family.”  He agreed w/my estimation, told me to “write it up.”

Below is a “treatment” — Hollywood talk for a summary meant to give a sense of tone, approach, and the character arcs and basic story.

The Superman/Clark/Lois love triangle has been given a new twist. I gave Metropolis a modern feel with the characters fully grounded in today’s world…and with nods to 75+ years of Superman.

I chose two very unlikely villains. They work off each other surprisingly well and keep the focus on Superman nicely. It also helped give the story a breakneck pace with wit and  action…plus a subtle theme about growing up/taking responsibility.

As it turns out, the tone of my treatment — and even a lot of the elements — are similar to The Avengers. So while I’ve now heard the upcoming MAN OF STEEL movie will deal in “realism,” my script deals with the fantastic (in the old-fashioned sense of the word).

I had batted around ideas about “secret wars” and black ops and a lesson that “Truth, Justice & the American Way” ain’t what they used to be. Meh. It’d been done to death in film and comics. Luthor’d been done to death. Brainiac and Zod were Krypton-related, which I don’t like for a first film. For me, Superman’s first movie should deal — not with his Kryptonian heritage but — with Superman as Earth’s defender, with Clark as a person.

Also, at the time, there was no official word on if this was a soft or hard reboot. So I avoided an origin story completely.

Superman’s origin is covered, but the details are saved for a sequel (detailed below), thus, we enter this world with the Daily Planet, Lois, Clark, and Superman in their traditional roles.  So, without further ado…

S U P E R M A N

A Film Treatment by K e i t h

The Setup
Superman films begin by moving through space… This time we end up inside a vast alien ship, in a room of glowing white globes. We hear an emotionless voice explain these are remnants of dead worlds, and it details the story of Krypton, her Last Son, and the place he calls home…bringing us to…

X-Men test – part 2

More of the ol’ X-Men script sample as sent to me by a long-gone X-ed.

Now’s a good time to mention, I know nothing about these two new characters Dr. Reyes and Marrow. Neither was terribly likable, but I did my best. As far as the former of the two, I had NO clue what the Doc could do. The plot had no details (nor did the Internet at the time) save for something about a forcefield (mentioned in the previous X-post) but that was it. On the second page below, the final script indicates some other power—some kind of empathic ability it seems. But it’s unclear, and I just avoided any reference to her powers in my script sample as a result.