27
Sep
09

Another ‘Damned’ Private Eye – Original Comics Story

“ANOTHER DAMNED

 

PRIVATE EYE”

A Short Story for Comics

Written by K   P l a n

PAGE ONE

Panel (1)

Artist note: This story takes place today, but should have a noirish, ’40s feel to it.

Shot of miserable, dank city.

1 CAPTION: MIND IF I TELL YOU A STORY?

2 CAPTION: YOU’VE PROBABLY HEARD SOB STORIES FROM GUYS LIKE ME BEFORE.

3 CAPTION: MY NAME’S EDEN CROSS…


(2)
Title: “Another Damned Private Eye” and Credits
(TBD)

PANEL S/B two-thirds Splash.  Typical shot of either the door or window, with the usual eye printed on it and the words “Private Investigator”

4 CAPTION: AND IF YOU THINK THE WORLD IS GOIN‘ T’HELL, HAVE YOU GOT ANOTHER THINK COMIN’!

(3)

Another purposefully typical shot: the P.I. leaning back in his chair at his desk, hat partially covering his face. Although we may not see all this here, he’s got an eye-patch, is missing portions of three fingers from his left hand, a scar runs from a sideburn past a mangled earlobe, and his right leg’s slightly shorter than the left.

5 CAPTION: I ADMIT, I COME OFF LIKE A STEREOTYPE. I AM ONE.  HARD-NOSED P.I. — SORTA…HAD MY NOSE BROKE MORE THAN ONCE…

6 CAPTION: …AND I’VE SHOT A GUY FOR IT MORE THAN TWICE.

PAGE TWO

Artist: layout as you see fit.
(1)

1 CAPTION: I DEAL WITH CHEATS, HUSBANDS AND WIVES–THE USUAL. I’VE CRACKED HIGH-PROFILE CASES, EVEN DID A TALK SHOW ONE TIME.  ALMOST HAD A BOOK DEAL. WHATEVER.

2 CAPTION: BUT FOR A WHILE NOW…I BEEN GETTING THESE CASES…THEY’RE KINDA OFF.  OFF THE BEATEN PATH, THAT’S F’R SURE.

3 CAPTION: DON’T KNOW HOW I FELL INTO THIS STUFF.

(2)

Eden‘s standing facing the door; he should look defeated. We do not see who he’s talking to.

4 CAPTION: TELL YA THE TRUTH, I’M A LITTLE SHAKEN BY THESE TWO ‘CLIENTS’ I GOT NOW.

5 EDEN: WHAT TOOK YOU TWO? I CAN’T JUST HANG HERE FOREVER.

6 CAPTION: I REMEMBER WHEN THEY FIRST CAME IN.  A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.  YUP…

(3)

FLASHBACK:

7 CAPTION: (top of panel) SHE HAD LEGS UP TO HER EARS, AND HER COMPANION WAS BUILT LIKE A BRICK WALL.

Artist Note: he’s talking about two demons (one of which we’ll just call “LEGS”), take the above literally (interpret “built like a brick wall” any way you want).

8 CAPTION: THEY’D HEARD OF ME — WHICH, FRANKLY, MADE ME MORE THAN A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

9 CAPTION: THESE DEMONS, THEY MADE ME AN OFFER I COULDN’T IGNORE — ALTHOUGH I WANTED TO.

(4)

10 LEGS: IT’S A FUGITIVE…WE NEED A GOOD DETECTIVE, A HUMAN WHO’LL WORK WITH US. OUR OTHER HUMAN PIs ARE —

11 CAPTION: AND ALTHOUGH I DON’T RECALL ALL HER WORDS, I REMEMBER SHE PAUSED JUST THEN…

10 LEGS: — OTHERWISE OCCUPIED, AND YOU–

(5)

11 CAPTION: AND THIS I WILL NEVER FORGET…

12 LEGS: — YOU ARE AS CLOSE AS WE GET TO OWNING SOMEONE WITHOUT, WELL, I THINK YOU KNOW.

13 CAPTION: YEAH, SISTER, I KNOW.  I AIN’T EXACTLY BEEN AN ANGEL THROUGHOUT MY TOO-LONG LIFE.

14 CAPTION: THE THINGS I’VE DONE (FEW WHICH I’D EVER RECOMMEND) WOULD FILL ONE O’ THEM OLD ENCYCLOPEDIA SETS.

FLASHBACK ENDS.

– – – – – – – – – – –

PAGE THREE

(1)

The demons — the “brick wall” (named Xwrtss) behind Cross, his hand on Cross’ shoulder in a none-too-dainty fashion — have taken Eden through a portal that’s opened at a 45 degree angle off of the floor.

1 CAPTION: SEE, WHEN YOU MESS IN SOME OF THE NASTY STUFF I’VE MESSED IN, CALLIN’ SHOTS THAT WEREN’T ALWAYS RIGHT OR FAIR…

2 CAPTION: …YOU GIVE AWAY A BIT OF YOUR SOUL.

(2)

They’re in Hell now, approaching an area of cages and torture devices made — in part — of rock formations.

3 CAPTION: SEEMS THE DEUCE HIMSELF, OL’ LUCY — LUCIFER — HAD DECIDED TO PAY FOR MY SERVICES IN SOULSCRAPS.

4 CAPTION: THE PIECES OF ME LOST DUE TO PAST…MISDEEDS.

(3)

They’ve brought him over to a complex-yet-barbaric cage/torture device.  We see pieces of monsterish demon remains scattered about.

The door is open, a piece of torn grayed cloth hangs from a rock or splinter or something.

Legs S/B seen touching or caressing Eden in most panels throughout the scene.

5 LEGS: THIS IS WHERE WE WERE HOLDING THE PRISONER.

6 EDEN: MY GO– UH, WHAT…WHAT HAPPENED, WHO WAS HERE?

7 LEGS: DON’T YOU WORRY THAT SWEET HEAD OF YOURS OVER DETAILS. YOU JUST NEED TO PICK UP THE TRAIL AND FIND OUR PROPERTY.

(4)

8 EDEN: I’M NOT A BLOODHOUND!  I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HE WAS LIKE, SO I CAN DEDU–

9 LEGS: NO. YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW. OUR PRISONER NEEDS TO BE FOUND. YOU ARE THE PERSON FOR THE JOB.

10 CAPTION: THE PRISONER: STALIN, RIGHT? NO, BETTER YET, ANOTHER DEMON, ONLY HE EATS ONE-EYED, GAME-LEGGED PIs.

(5)

Close-up of Eden, defeated.

11 EDEN (small): WHAT’VE I DONE TO MY LIFE?

– – – – – – – – – – –

PAGE FOUR

(1)

Eden, back to business; Legs still doing her thing; Xwrtss embarrassed.

1 EDEN: FINE THEN. HOW’D YOUR VICTIM ESCAPE?

2 LEGS: TOLD XWRTSS HERE HE COULD MAKE HIM STRONGER WITH HIS “DIVINE” POWER. XWRTSS BOUGHT IT, AND WAS FOUND HANGING OVER A PIT.  OUR OTHER BRETHREN OBLITERATED.

3 LEGS: NOW THAT’S ENOUGH, DEAR. GET TO IT.

(2)

The demons exit. Eden stands over the scene.

4 CAPTION: SO WHATEVER I’M LOOKIN’ FOR IS VERY STRONG, MAY HAVE “DIVINE” POWER AND IS SMARTER THAN XWRTSS, ALTHOUGH

5 CAPTION: HM. BLOOD EVERYWHERE…BUT NOT ON THE TORTURE DEVICES…

6 CAPTION: …THEY MUST’VE JUST STARTED ON THE GUY…A RELIGIOUS ZEALOT? NO, IT’S MORE THAN THAT.

(3)

Eden wipes his hand along the smooth device where a prisoner would be laid.

7 CAPTION: THERE’S NO SWEAT OR SCRATCHES, NO MARKS WHATSOEVER.

8 CAPTION: HE WASN’T HERE LONG. AND HE’S GOT A HEALTHY HEAD START.

(4)

Eden‘s taken hold of the cloth.

9 CAPTION: SOFT. VERY SOFT. COULD BE A WOMAN’S SWEATER — WE TALKIN’ AN EVIL FEMME DAMNED TO HELL?

10 CAPTION: EVA BRAUN?  TELEVISION EXEC?  OL’ ROSIE FROM YONKERS?  NO, NO, LEGS WOULD’VE CORRECTED ME IF IT WAS A SHE.

(5)

Looking at the landscape before him. There’s a huge cave straight ahead, a smaller one over to the side, which he’s favoring, and high above is an oval-shaped cave (these could be mountains, rock-formations…whatever).

11 CAPTION: OKAY, NOW WHERE WOULD I RUN TO?

12 CAPTION: AH…WELL, THIS’LL BE A PIECE OF–

– – – – – – – – – – –

PAGE FIVE

(1)

Something shiny on the ground catches Eden’s eye.

1 EDEN: WHAT…IS…?

(2)

He’s picked up a single, shiny strand of hair from the ground — it almost seems to glow.

2 CAPTION: THIS…AIN’T PROMISING.

(3)

Now inside the cage, he’s running his finger across a section of the wall or bars (maybe we can see the small cave he WAS gonna head into in the background).

3 CAPTION: HM.  NOT SOOT.  IT’S…(SIGH) DUST.

4 CAPTION: …CHANGES EVERYTHING!

(4)

A long-shot of Eden climbing to that oval-shaped cave (rocks/wall shouldn’t be too steep considering his handicaps), away from the other two caves.

5 CAPTION: I START GETTING THOSE PHANTOM PAINS, AND I FEEL ILL.

(5)

Inside the cave, he’s crouched down — sweaty, dirty — heading further in. The wide but low mouth leads into a larger area.

6 CAPTION: I’ll FIND ‘IM SOON ENOUGH…HAS IT BEEN HOURS OR DAYS?…

7 CAPTION: I’VE BEEN ON A CONSTANT INCLINE. NO DEMONS, FIRES, SCREAMS — NUTHIN’. OBVIOUS THE MONSTROSITIES IN THIS WASTELAND WANT TO KEEP THEMSELVES AS FAR DOWN AS POSSIBLE…

(6)

He’s walked into the open area. It’s vast and high and seemingly unending.

8 CAPTION: . . .MORE SUPERSTITION THAN ANYTHING ELSE, I’D SAY…IT’S NOT LIKE HEAVEN’S THE NEXT TOWN OVER…ER, UP.

– – – – – – – – – – –

PAGE SIX

(1)

Walking through the cave, he’s looking straight ahead.

1 CAPTION: KEEPING ONESELF HIGH AND HIDDEN IS A SMART MOVE, BUT, AS THE SAYING GOES, ‘HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT.’

2 CAPTION: IN NEW YORK, YOU OR I WOULD GET LOST AMONGST THE CROWDS.

(2)

Another shot of our P.I.  A feather has floated past him.

3 CAPTION: BUT IF YOU’RE THE TYPE WHO STANDS OUT, WELL, HECK…

4 CAPTION: NOBODY EVER LOOKS…UP!

(3)

Larger shot now, there’s an angel, high above, trying desperately to hide behind some rocks; the halo and wings and golden head of hair give him away. Eden has drawn his gun on him.

5 CAPTION: DAMN. FOUND ‘IM.

(4)

The hammer’s going back on the pistol.

6 CAPTION: WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE…I THINK I’M GONNA’ BE DOWN HERE A LONG, LONG TIME.

– – – – – – – – – – –

PAGE SEVEN

(1)

Note: the first three panels can be straight across the top, maybe as a polyptych

Eden, who looks a total wreck at this point, is escorting the angel back to the torture area. A wing is bleeding.

1 EDEN: YOU OKAY? DOES IT HURT?

The angel doesn’t respond.

(2)

2 EDEN: WHY’RE YOU DOWN HERE?…CAPTURED?  KIDNAPPED?

The angel doesn’t respond.

(3)

Eden is smiling in this shot — he’s making a joke (so he thinks)

3 EDEN: SPYING ON THE ENEMY?

The angel’s eyebrow is raised at this.

(4)

4 EDEN: I’M SORRY, BUT, I– I HAD TO. I’M SAVING MY SOUL.

5 ANGEL (SMALL): MM.  THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK.

(5)

Legs and Xwrtss, both excited, are by the cage as the angel is being pushed in.

6 LEGS: YOU DID THE MOST WONDERFUL JOB, MY PRIVATE DICK!

7 ANGEL (TO EDEN): LUCKILY, I CANNOT HARM YOU.  SADLY, THEY CAN’T HOLD ME.

8 LEGS: HE HOPES!  BETWEEN YOU AND I…

(6)

Now, close on both…she’s whispering in his ear. Eden is expressionless but is looking away from Legs, the Angel & Xwrtss

8 LEGS: …YOU’VE MADE ENOUGH FRIENDS HERE, TO GET YOU…UP THERE. YOU EARNED MANY SOULSCRAPS.

9 EDEN: …

10 CAPTION: HELL HAS SAVED MY SOUL FOR A HEAVEN WHICH WON’T WANT IT. GUESS THIS STEREOTYPE FINALLY BROKE THE MOLD.

11 EDEN: KEEP THE “SCRAPS” AND GET ME HOME. I NEED HELL OF A LOT OF WHISKEY.

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