The following is a script selection from my Frat Pack-type comedy Two Boobs (yes, that’s right) — a comedy in the mold of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s the story of a struggling writer (and hopeless pushover) who, with his oddball friend, will face deadly doctors, convicted killers, and a crazy bank robber all to earn enough money to get his wife the breast implants she wants as a 5th anniversary gift.
In spite of that plot (or b/c of it), the wife character, Laurie, is surprisingly multi-dimensional. The subtext — and yes there is one — is about how men see the world through a twisted lens.
Proper script formatting would not transfer from Final Draft or Acrobat; the actual script is formatted correctly. You can contact me via my Linked In: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/k-e-i-t-h-p-l-a-n-i-t/6/356/901
In the following scene, STEWART, our somewhat dorky writer, has just found the right doctor and made the appointment for his wife’s breast augmentation surgery. The conversation, however, was a bit…peculiar. As they exit, Stewart turns to his bizarre friend, a wacky Jack Black-type we know as DUDE. This scene is the end of Act 1.
The doc in there. Why do you think he thought the breasts were for me? I mean, why’d he think I want to be a woman?
Could be your bone structure. More likely it’s the way you walk.
Stewart’s frustrated. Dude POPS Stew on the head.
Dude. People’ve always thought you’d make a good chick. Remember that bondage theme restaurant?
ESTABLISHING SHOT: “CHEF DE SADE’S” – NIGHT
INT. CHEF DE SADE’S – NIGHT
We see a bevy of waiters/waitresses serving middle class and college-age patrons. The WAIT-STAFF is clad in LEATHER.
At one table is Stewart, Dude, Laurie [Stewart’s Wife], and Dude’s date. Two TRANSVESTITE “WAITRESSES” are fondling Stewart.
Can I dress you in a leather bustier?
You’d look great as a blonde…
#2 pulls hir wig off, places it on Stewart.
You were, like, one of the girls!
That means dick!…pardon the pun. It was just part of the act!
Woh! What about when you freaked-out later?
They’re paying the bill.
(frustrated; to Laurie)
I’ve got the money, I just want a few singles is all.
Every time you take me out, I end up paying – I’d just like not to pay for once if you’re taking me out.
She hands him a fistful of DOLLARS.
You should put that wig back on – you were more of a man then.
CLOSE ON Stewart as the words repeat. His eyes widen, we…
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
A teenage girl, apparently Stewart’s older SISTER, seems busy at work on something we can’t yet discern.
Just hold still, Stewart. You’re so cute!
She steps away – revealing a young Stewart in a very pretty dress and a lady’s wig.
I knew you’d make a pretty girl!
CLOSE ON young Stewart’s eyes as the words repeat, and we…
EXT. PLAYGROUND – DAY
An even younger Stewart is running, a bunch of kids JUMP OUT.
Hey, new kid, are you a Mounds or
an Almond Joy?
Mounds or Almond Joy – pick!
All the other kids laugh at him.
You’re a girl, the new kid’s a girl – Almond Joy’s got nuts and Mounds don’t! Get it, girl? Gi-i-i-irl!
EXTREME CLOSE ON Younger Stewart’s eyes, the words echo, we…
INT. COZY HOME – NIGHT
MOM and DAD (NOTE: latter is actor who plays Stewart, maybe with a moustache and sideburns) sit on a pretty sofa – the mom is very pregnant.
I just have this feeling…that it’s a girl.
Me too, honey. Me too.
CAMERA PANS DOWN to mom’s stomach and closes in until we’re inside her tummy. WE SEE a male FETUS. Fetus-Stewart SIGHS.
FLASHFORWARD through all the scenes we’ve just witnessed until we’re back in the parking lot.
BACK TO SCENE:
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Stewart has spaced out.
Yeah, man! You freaked-out just like that at Chef De Sade’s.
Stewart snaps out of it.
So, great. Now, I got two things to prove… One, that I can take care of my Laurie, and B, that I’m not in any way a chick!
Dude, that’s just one thing.
Yeah. You just gotta prove you’re a man!